Picture perfect 

Back to the world of blog, after a rather fleeting trip back to the motherland. Whilst the idea of a week back in my island haven seemed like a good one, it was an awfully long way to go for, once you minus the travel days, 5 days of good old fashion Jersey fun. Having said that, my beautiful island did not disappoint and the sunshine isle was in full glory, albeit Hubby and I still thought it was freakin freezing! I know it was sunny but c’mon people it was the same temperature as it was when we visited in November, when we donned hats and scarves, but whack in a bit of sunshine and all those local knees are out and flip flops are on and you all forget that its still bloody cold.

However, I have to say Jersey is so pretty in the sunshine and as Hubby and I enjoyed the rare occasion of being there together, I drifted off into a romantic sentimental view of my other home.  So as the week continued, so did my Insta shots across the bay, our morning strolls to St Aubins captured in all their glory. Was I really pining for this life again or was it just perfect pictures luring me back in?

IMG_2515Every time I approach the island from the skies, my stomach tightens, heart rate elevates and butterflies ensue. Now this isn’t just down to me freaking out about whether the plane is landing across St Ouens or coming from the East across land, the latter you will know is the worst approach, as I convince myself we are too high and as the plane thrusts its breaks onto the incredibly short run way, my ritual prayers are said, hands clench to the point of zero circulation and hyperventilating begins,

please don’t go over the cliff, please don’t go over the cliff!

Oh yes back to the butterflies, which are of course due to the pure excitement of coming home. That first deep breath of FRESH air as the plane doors open (my desert girls will appreciate that FRESH air is really missed) when I know I’m home and all is right with the world. Desert girl is back to being Island girl, if only for a week.

IMG_2529The next few days are followed by my list of “go to” island favorites. Of course I am usually up at the crack of dawn, still being on Kuwaiti time, so a morning stroll down to St Aubins, taking in the early morning views across the bay, in search for coffee (mums a tea drinker, god love her, and coffee on our first morning is usually from a old jar of instant at the back of the cupboard).  Out comes the iPhone, snapping away at the glorious views, which I will never not love or not appreciate. So hand in hand we stroll without a care in the world, park ourselves on a bench and watch the world go by. This is what I like to call my Grockle moment , which every Bean will smile at and know exactly what I mean.

Grockle: noun British Informal derogatory
a holidaymaker, especially one visiting a resort in Devon or Cornwall
(or Jersey!)

IMG_2551So in my sedate, saga holiday style moment, I think everything is perfect and in that exact moment it is. It still is, as I wonder round Waitrose picking up ever pork item they stock, it still is as we indulge in our first pub lunch and savor an ice cold beer. What is not to love!? Perfect weather, perfect company, perfect supermarkets, perfectly polite driving, perfectly clean beaches; just perfect.  But as Hubby and I talked over our date night dinner, at another of my favorite haunts, we asked the question would we want to come back?!

Firstly, I know full well this is a question that we ultimately always ask ourselves when we visit. Hubby sees how happy and excited I am to back, we spend time with the family and friends, knowing we have all these precious connections here but ultimately we have to leave them behind, at the end of the week. All this is true and we miss these people deeply, but as he asks me the question, I am little surprised with what comes out…..I don’t think so.

Every time we go back we ask ourselves, for that split second, could we? Should we? For goodness sake, its the one question we are asked by EVERYONE at any opportunity. I lost count how many times I have been asked, what our plan is or will we ever come back and I am sure the same people will ask me the exactly same thing when they see me in 6 weeks time! It seems to be something that people struggle with, that our little adventures aboard were just a whim or a short term plan. Maybe they are, maybe they will be but maybe they won’t.

imageDon’t get me wrong, I was in that camp too. I thought we would do this for a few years, save some money and head back to the perfect island life, with a house by the sea, 2.4 kids and Sunday El Tico breakfasts. The funny thing is, the more places we visit, the longer we are away, the harder that notion seems to be. 7 years ago that seemed the norm to me, but now this life is norm and the other seems like some odd alien choice and one I think I would ultimately struggle with.

Those picture perfect island days are wonderful and I love my family with all my heart, but all I see is limitations. We lived there once and couldn’t make it work, so why would now be any different? In fact, now I think it would be harder, as life abroad opens your eyes to so many opportunities, where anything can happen, that my dream island life wouldn’t necessarily satisfy me.

How scary is that? I had no idea that this island home bird would ever feel that way about a return to “normal” life. I never believed I could live outside convention and be happy. Maybe falling in love with a nomad, not only opened my heart but opened my soul up for adventure. I would never say never, but right now I want something different, something you look back on and say “we did that”.

My island will always ground me, always be there holding the ones I love, but I’d rather have those picture perfect moments to hold onto, than resent the 45 square miles keeping me from a world of perfectly good adventures.  Maybe this home bird has just found her wings? But you know the great thing about wings?……. you can fly home whenever you desire.

Until you spread your wings, you’ll have no idea how far you can fly

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5 thoughts on “Picture perfect 

  1. Wow I relate to this so much. In 2011 when I moved to South Korea fresh out of uni, I thought I would be a nomad for a year and then go back and figure settle down to reality. One year turned into 2. Then a few years on and I found myself back in my motherland as settled as settled can be. But not content… bored actually! So here I am in Kuwait! I think my love for my home country grows when I am away and I can appreciate it better from a distance. When I actually have to live there, pay tax there and deal with terrible customer service and annoying people, I can’t stand it! So I totally identify with your point about seeing the limitations. If we didn’t like it before, what has changed to make us like it now? As much as home will always be a special place, absence makes the heart grow fonder!

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  2. Lori, this is brilliant! I feel just the same and get asked the same questions. Your blog is so great to read. I just wanted to let you know. Thank you for sharing yourself and your vulnerability, true thoughts and true words, brilliant and I love it xx

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