Enjoying my time back on my little rock is not difficult. The familiarity of home, Hubby and I spending time together, family memories being captured and all wrapped up in the festive spirit. The difficulty arises when you want to enjoy everything about being home and even though I’m here a month I still feel like I’m on a countdown and under pressure to fit it all in. So how do you please yourself and please others without running yourself ragged?
Already this trip has been a journey of mixed emotions. I was elated to be home to meet my beautiful little niece and spend time with the family. Hubby was able to spend a significant time with me on this trip, so selfishly we pleased ourselves and dedicated all our time to each other, the family and the gym. So when I said goodbye to him this week, I was sad that we would have to spend christmas apart and was filled with conflicting feelings of wanting to stay and wanting time to pass quickly. Then came the knowledge that I would now need to be sociable and get the diary filled with friendly catch ups.
Don’t get me wrong it is in no way that I don’t want to see people and most will be reading this and know that I am looking forward to seeing them and should not feel like they are a chore. I have said it before that I am deeply touched that people still want to see me after my 6.5 year absence, so I do make the effort and love the time spent with them,
but its a fine line between me seeing everyone that I want to, everyone I feel I should see and still getting enough time for me.
Last week after I dug myself out of the emotional hole of saying goodbye to hubby, I spent the evening with one of my oldest island girls. She sympathetically, and knowing me all too well, had saved all her Christmas decorating until our evening together. I arrived to a comforting and knowing hug and was presented with a pair of special slippers just for the occasion. We spent the evening listening to the obligatory Buble christmas songs, tittafted her apartment into a a beautiful festive haven, whilst of course chatting away, picking up where we left off in the summer. I loved every minute of it and was blown away that she even stepped back , letting me take control (or should I say my Christmas tree decorating OCD took control) knowing it was not only making me incredibley happy but she was going to get an awesome tree out of it!
So that was the first of my social engagements and the diary was filling up daily. As I got my head around the week ahead and memoirising where and when I should be, whatsapp messages were flying around. Whilst it was getting busy, I was also in my element being social secretary, which my desert girls will know I do oh so well, so thought I was in control and had my inner planner smiling. I headed to lunch with two old work colleagues, which have become dear friends over the years. So I turned up at the restaurant, asked for the reservation and no name matched. Well actually there was one that was close and I thought they had just misheard in on the phone (oh the irony) so I took a seat. After 15 minutes I thought it was odd that I was still alone. I know I am always early or bang on time, as tardiness drives me insane, but still thought nothing of it, boys will be boys and expected them to casually stroll in. Hang on one of them is never late…..Hmmmmm I think something maybe awry. I re-read the messages that had been flying between us and then I realised……I had turned up a week early!!!
Now whilst I laughed about this and was grateful that the random David, whose table I was sat at, had not shown up!
I left the restaurant with the maitre dee laughing at my mishap. The boys giggled when I told them, but I think it was purely down to the fact that I was piling so much into the week, that I had uncharacteristically unravelled. I got over it fairly fast, as went back home and decided to pick myself up by putting up Mum’s tree. She wasn’t so keen, as it was only the 1st December and would normally wait another week, but I was adamant, she finally caved, especially as I had gone into the loft and got it all down. It was a triumph and made me feel better knowing that I was still me and the fact that I had for the first time not been on top of everything, I could still decorate a tree in awesome style.
The weekend was spent with family members flying from the UK to meet the latest team member and I loved seeing them after a year had past. We filled the weekend with eating (within my dietary parameters) baby cuddles and yet another trip to the garden centre of Christmas delights. It was perfect. But I have come out of a lovely chilled weekend, knowing that I have a full week being a social butterfly. Mum and I have just sat and worked out each others scheduled, negotiated car usage and what nights dinner needed to be rustled up at home. I am a busy little bee and already it feels like time is running out, especially when you remove the 4 day Christmas celebrations.
I am trying not to freak out and put too much pressure on myself but as usual I want to please everyone and I want to see everyone, so I will get to you all and will relish in the fact that we can still do what we do like time has stood still. I just want to get it right, I want the family time especially with the little princess, I want time to just chill out on the sofa with Christmas movies, I want time to work out and keep on track and I want laughs with friends, preferably prosecco induced. It really is a balancing act, one that I hope I can pull off without falling flat on my face and making sure I turn up on the right day!