I am writing this weeks post from the depths of kleenex and Vicks! Perhaps its the constant cold and flu tablet intake, the fever and delirious nights sleep, but whilst feeling hot and cold at the same time, I’ve also been feeling a little home sick. Don’t get me wrong I’m not in a deep depression pining for home, but there are definitely pangs for home or rather the people there.
In the midst of cold induced self pity, I decided to Face Time my mum. It had been a couple of weeks since we spoke “face to face” so I thought I would catch her up on my holiday and all things desert side, but mainly to tell her I was feeling pants and just wanted some mummy time. As we were chatting, she revealed that my little sis was also there so I got two for the price of one and I was already starting to get some clarity from my head cold.
I chatted away to little sis and the iPad quickly revealed her growing baby bump. Now its been 3 months since I saw her and she was blooming then, but this was different, she is entering the final 7 weeks of her pregnancy and now on maternity leave, so I was seeing her in a completely different scenario to the up beat, glowing and totally loving the bump and all things pregnancy. Now she looked tried, uncomfortable and was literally counting down to meeting the little princess. As the conversation continued it materialised that she had been having extra appointments due to the size of her bump on her small size 6 frame and there was a strong likelihood that little miss would be arriving early. I was a little shocked at this news as I was completely unaware that this had all been happening, when we normally divulge everything to each other. It was at this point that my face must have said a 1000 words, because little sis was quick to interject my confusion by saying
I didn’t tell you because I knew you would stress at not being here.
Of course this was absolutely true. I had planned our trip home around the arrival of the peanut and was hoping worse case scenario she may be 10 days old, if she came on time and even “newer” if there were any delays. In all honesty this was already bugging me, I know that even if I was living at home I wouldn’t be at the birth or anything but I would have seen this little bundle within hours of her entering the world, so the prospect of have to wait was not being handled. Me wait, be patient!? Hmm not likely. So the fact that sis had kept the potential of her arriving weeks and weeks before I got there, was not surprising, she knew that I would break into a cold sweat and be reaching for the Valium!
As the conversation turned to her giving me a run down on her “nesting” re decoration of her house, it dawned on me that so much had changed in the few months I had been gone and I was missing out on so much of this journey with her. In the coming weeks there will be a baby shower, which if I was there would have been arranged, obsessed over and event managed within an inch of every pink cupcake and sweet filled baby bottle. Not only would I not be able to plan this, I wouldn’t even be there. It was surreal enough to say goodbye to her in July and think the next time I saw her she would be a mummy, but the reality of this prospect seems to have just hit me.
I’ve spoken before about how expat life brings the obvious distance between you and loved ones and the impact it has when bad news hits. What I hadn’t anticipated was that its not just bad news that makes you question the distance from home, but its also the good. My being desert side is giving me without question, positives galore, but I didn’t think that the happy event, a family celebration would make me feel so blah. I want to be fussing around, buying up everything cute (don’t worry Im still managing this from abroad) getting to feel the little wriggler doing her dance moves through the perfectly proportioned bump and ooo and ahh over the newly furnished nursery.
Don’t get me wrong, I maybe far away but little sis has been very inclusive. I get weekly bump updates, nursery progress and every new outfit sent to me. Videos of alien style squirming appear on my phone at all hours and my brother in law even offered to Face Time me direct from the delivery room!
I may add at this point both my sis and I, looked at him and said a phone call would suffice!!
So they are trying and know that I struggle being away from such a momentous occasion, but if the princess arrives anytime soon no amount of pictures will make up for not actually being there. I know little sis will call daily if she could ( I have told her a newborn will take up way too much of her time to be face timing me every day) but she will still do everything she can to include this extremely proud auntie until I’m there.
In the meantime I will shop for more lovely things to take home, try to get over this cold, which may in turn get me over this wobble of missing my favourite people and wait (somewhat patiently) for a phone call to say the little bundle of joy has arrived……I just hope it’s not too soon.